This week's New Yorker -- amid a fascinating, almost-humanizing portrait of our next Chief Justice that clearly should have been called "Finding Nino" (not online, but an interview with the author is), reviews of Spamalot and a new biography of Kierkegaard, and an actually not-terrible story -- has a snippet about Popstrology, the new, absolutely reliable science that tells you who you are based upon who topped the pop charts the day you were born.

November 16th, 1979: The Commodores, "Still."

"People change, people grow, but few accept this as well as you." Are they kidding? I'm probably the worst person at accepting this in the entire world.

Hilariously, Jaimee was born under The Piña Colada Song. And all must kneel before my brother, born beneath David Bowie's "Let's Dance." Clearly the kid is destined for greatness.