This page comprises a list of 736 "essentialist explanations" of the form "Language X is essentially language Y under conditions Z".
For instance, English
English is essentially bad Dutch with outrageously pronounced French and Latin vocabulary.
English is essentially Norse as spoken by a gang of French thugs.
--Benct Philip Jonsson
English is essentially Anglo-Saxon with all the cool bits taken out.
English is essentially Dutch but it doesn't want to admit it.
English is essentially Pictish that was attacked out of nowhere by Angles cohabiting with Teutons who were done in by a drunk bunch of Vikings masquerading as Frenchmen who insisted they spoke Latin and Greek but lacked the Arabic in which to convey that.
English is essentially all exceptions and no rules.
There are also entries for French
just for Jennifer, and many many others
. I guess this joke is more or less like "The Aristocrats" for comparative linguistics; now the secret's out.
(My personal favorite variant of this joke is "if _____ and _____ had a baby." Occassionally "...raised by _____." I use it all the time.)
(via Boing Boing